feeling stressed over corporate BS

I will keep this short and unedited. Today will be the battle with the health insurance companies.

They have decided to just raise my premium without warning. And pay also any back due. Now is not the time for this to happen because I am dealing with some serious health issues after my allo stem cell transplant which is being treated with some tough medications that take a toll on me. I therefore need to be constantly monitored by doctors at this point but insurance companies don't care. They don't look at the ethical side just the cost efficient side to this. I am stuck this morning in a rack and a hard place unfortunately. So much in my mind and I feel so manic.

being featured in a documentary

I am excited yet scared about the documentary I am in about chronic illness which will be played at the Helen Mills Theater on Sun. I dread being seen on the big screen. At the same time five piecees of my artwork will also be on display. The name of the documentart is Its not what you think by Jazzmyn Banks.

film

Yesterday there was auditions for zombies for a film I have been working on as a script editor. I didnt know the director needs 30 zombies. Wow that's a lot. It was fun watching various characters audition for parts. Iam so excited to be a part of this film. my fiance even auditioned for a part as a zombie and got it. LMAO!!!And working for Rabbi shmuley has been proving to be a great experience even though its for menial stuff for now. Its great experience since he is doing all these interviews about Michael Jackson.

today memorial day

I feel very sad today and I have no reason to. I have told no one and I feel weird like almost isolated. Almost like teen angst. I know the depression is a side effect of the chemo and I dont mind. But days like this feel as though it can drag on. I feel good though I did land a part in a movie as a script editor/supervisor for an indie flick part 2 of the zombie chronicles and I yet to see how cohosting the radio gig will go. Its something cant complain.

Went to marshalls didn't see anything worth buying now I am hopelessly bored.

recovering

Mentally I think I should recover quicker but physically is another story. I am getting the tired cranky feeling again. With all the steroids that were in my chemo, its tempting to start fights. I have been doing my best to prevent these. The tiredness I get is so overwhelming, its comes quick and envelopes me like a blanket and stays long. Even as I type this my eyese are heavy and groggy. Will keep this short so I can sleep.

back home and contemplating

I am home now from the harsh treatments of chemo. I have changes physically and mentally and emotionally. I am speechless. I dont have much to say about this experience. I was sad tough as I layed in bed for two weeks in pain and agony, throwing up here and there and yelling for nurses to bring me a bucket. I feel different like life has slowed down for me and I appreciate and cherish more moments than ever. The chemo has made my skin darker. My toes and feet are black and I have what looks like leopard spots on my back. The steroids have left me swollen and emotional. I know now I need changes in my life and that is with changing my job and going to grad school.

off to the hospital I go

I wont be writing for a while as I wont bring my laptop to the hospital with me. I am scared of the stem cell transplant. I hope I do well and god is with me. I will be back in about two weeks or a month.