a bad day

Today was a very bad day for me. All I did was stay in bed, cry, experience immense pain all over me and sleep during tossing and turning. I haven't eaten which may attribute to my feeling of weakness. I have a recurrence of lymphoma again. It has come back in less than a year. The doctors tell me it means its very agressive and I need agressive treatment that will damage my body as well. The syptoms of this cancer can be unbearable at times. The fevers, rashes, itching, pain, sweating, and unexplained weightloss are just not fun. Sometimes at least lately I lay in bed, and I wonder if my fiance thinks i am just being inactive and lazy when just the opposite is true. my mind is fully active dreaming and wishing things were different. Even as I just lay in bed I am planning for the future. But I get sad at times since physically I cant do it right now. I am scared. I don't know what will happen to me but I am reassured by many just to take it one day at a time.